Flannery Correspondence

September 9, 2011

The lottery is a voluntary tax, like most taxes

Filed under: Ever Wonder, Good News for a Change, Joy — Tags: , , , , , , , , — BrianOFlan @ 17:33

I turned 19 on 9/9/1999 (that is, 1999-09-09).
So I bought a lottery ticket.  

Random numbers? No way.
I picked my own numbers: 9, 19 and ….
Shoot, what else goes with 9 and 19?
1?
3?
6?
I needed six or seven numbers to play this lottery.
I picked the last few numbers at random, hoping the 9 and 19 would matter the most.

I went to the liquor store to buy my lottery tickets.
I went with my cousin who was worldly wise but similarly underage for a liquor store.
The liquor store guy asked, “How old are you?”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I just turned 19.”
He was unimpressed but let me buy lottery tickets if I was quick about it.
I took forever to figure out what numbers go well together.

I won!
My cousin who had played the lottery regularly, almost religiously, bought a handful of tickets.
He had never matched more than two numbers.
I matched four that night.
He was mad.

The next day I went to King Soopers to cash in my winning ticket.
“Excuse me. I have a winning lottery ticket.”
The lady looked at the ticket. “Okay, so do you want that as more lottery tickets or just cash?”
“Look lady, I’m not an idiot. What are the chances of winning the lottery again? Quit while I’m ahead: Cash, please.”

Guess how much I won?
Four dollars, burning a hole in my pocket.
And to think, I could have had four more lottery tickets instead!

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