Flannery Correspondence

September 9, 2011

The lottery is a voluntary tax, like most taxes

Filed under: Ever Wonder, Good News for a Change, Joy — Tags: , , , , , , , , — BrianOFlan @ 17:33

I turned 19 on 9/9/1999 (that is, 1999-09-09).
So I bought a lottery ticket.  

Random numbers? No way.
I picked my own numbers: 9, 19 and ….
Shoot, what else goes with 9 and 19?
I needed six or seven numbers to play this lottery.
I picked the last few numbers at random, hoping the 9 and 19 would matter the most.

I went to the liquor store to buy my lottery tickets.
I went with my cousin who was worldly wise but similarly underage for a liquor store.
The liquor store guy asked, “How old are you?”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I just turned 19.”
He was unimpressed but let me buy lottery tickets if I was quick about it.
I took forever to figure out what numbers go well together.

I won!
My cousin who had played the lottery regularly, almost religiously, bought a handful of tickets.
He had never matched more than two numbers.
I matched four that night.
He was mad.

The next day I went to King Soopers to cash in my winning ticket.
“Excuse me. I have a winning lottery ticket.”
The lady looked at the ticket. “Okay, so do you want that as more lottery tickets or just cash?”
“Look lady, I’m not an idiot. What are the chances of winning the lottery again? Quit while I’m ahead: Cash, please.”

Guess how much I won?
Four dollars, burning a hole in my pocket.
And to think, I could have had four more lottery tickets instead!

1 Comment »

  1. A tax indeed, but its not entirely bad news, http://www.coloradolottery.com/GIVING-BACK/WHERE-THE-MONEY-GOES/

    So along with the associated gambling addiction risks, you get a moment or two of excitement as you compare your numbers against the winning numbers (you can drag this out by being dyslexic and having to compare the numbers additional times to confirm your loss).

    I judge the value of most things against the cost of a movie. $10-ish dollars should bring 1.5-2 hours of enjoyment. $1 lottery ticket brings ~1 minute of enjoyment, so you must then redeem the remaining 11 minutes (120minutes (movie) divided by $10 = 12minutes per dollar spent) at a park funded by the lottery. Sometimes I’ll stay 12 minutes, just to stick it to the man! “alright kids, 11 minutes have elapsed, we are officially having fun!”

    Comment by Andrew the Melvin — September 13, 2011 @ 16:12

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