Polyamory and the limits of monogamy

I love my wife. I promise the following paragraphs have nothing to do with marital alternatives or freaky stuff.

Lana’s fourth birthday party is tomorrow. While preparing for the big day tomorrow, Christa somehow kept me in mind. As early Fathers Day presents, she dumped three treats on me:

1. Raspberry sherbet instead of ice cream. Dairy undermines any hope of my enjoying a sulfurous-methane-free evening.
2. Mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon. Do you want to live forever?
3. Honey Bunches of Oats (awww). Actually, the generic equivalent cereal — the kind that comes in a bag, not a box.

I love consumable gifts. It’s an important reminder that life is fleeting so don’t miss a drop.

I spent ten minutes talking to a 76-year-old black man in our neighborhood McDonald’s. I was in line for a Red Box but he just wanted something to eat and a public forum for loud conversation. I can’t believe how many people fail to take advantage of RedBox’s internet interface: Reserve your movie online! Walk up, press one button, swipe your credit card and you’ve got your movie. Instead people spend fifteen minutes complaining about the line and then — when they have the RedBox to themselves — spend twenty minutes reading every single blurb about every single movie before finally settling on the evening’s entertainment.

Talking to that guy was like watching three movies at once. I should just hang out in that McDonald’s and document other people’s amazing lives. More about him soon.

We rented a dumb romantic comedy. It thoroughly surprised and delighted us. When in Rome features Napoleon Dynamite as Lance, a magician (“don’t you want to be dazzled?”). Spoiler alert/hint: Thought you’d seen the last of Pedro?

One protagonist’s actor, named Josh Duhamel, appeared in 2004’s Picture of Dorian Gray. You might remember that Prince Caspian played Dorian in 2009’s Dorian Gray. That one kid from 7th Heaven was 2007’s PoDG. Two adaptations of the Oscar Wilde story are expected this year, followed by three in 2011 and probably a Fibonacci sequence in subsequent years.

Another When in Rome surprise:  The most poignant lines come from Danny DeVito, who has never played Dorian Gray.

The music was hot, climaxing in a trumpeted Paolo Nutini number. Watch it with subtitles on — they cite every song by title and artist, even traditional and classical background music (eg. Ave Maria, Tarantella, Wagner’s Bridal Chorus). The rare kind of movie we sat through the credits until it went black just to hear every song.

It’s a clean movie unless you consider art as obscenity: One painting bears human breasts in the adult female fashion. No foul or offensive language. (Why did we waste time watching this while the kids were asleep?) It’s not a thinker but it is light and fun with a twist ending, besides Pedro.

Next movie is my pick: Zombieland.

PS.
Please don’t search the internet for “polyamory”.